When our children are born, we know from that very first moment that we want to give them the world. We spend their first year full of hope and wonder about who they will become. As the toddler years approach, we find ourselves shifting from awe and amazement to just trying to keep meltdowns and time-outs to a minimum. The elementary school years are when we really start to see their character come through. We see this in how they choose their friends, how they treat others, what sports and hobbies they are drawn to and excel at, and start to see them begin dreaming and hoping for their own bright future. It’s during these critical years that we find ourselves wanting to jump in and rescue them in times of conflict and do everything we can to help build up their self-confidence and be the best they can be.

Here in Orange County, we have a reputation for really driving and pushing our kids to be the best at everything they do, from sports to academics and everything in between. A 4.0 and above has become the norm and something each of us really pushes our kids to strive for. Wanting our kids to be successful and the best versions of themselves isn’t a bad thing at all. The downside is that we live in this fiercely competitive environment that puts a ton of added pressure on our kids and makes them feel they aren’t as good or worthy if they aren’t at the top of their game in all aspects of their lives.

As we navigate the waters of middle school and high school with our kids, we enter an entirely new phase of life. You reach the stage where all of the life lessons you have tried to instill become theirs alone to learn from. Don’t get me wrong. They will still need the same comfort, unconditional love and understanding, but these are the days where you can’t fix their problems for them. You can’t just make it all better, as much as we really want to on certain days. These are the times where we have to watch our kids experience pure joy and true heartbreak. It’s the stage where they learn that all of their hopes and dreams may not necessarily come true, despite their hard work. It’s when they learn the true definition of perseverance and how to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move forward. These days will truly test your relationships as parents and where to step in and where to let them resolve issues on their own. I know without a doubt that I can look ahead and see how each of these life lessons will begin to prepare them for adulthood; getting into the college they want, obtaining their dream career, finding true love and more.

When our kids are young and they come to us with a problem, we can usually find a solution, offer a hug and make everything right in their world again. When they are teens and pre-teens, they don’t always come to us with the problem but you pray that they do. When they do confide and open up, it’s so important to listen and provide guidance but know that they are processing and taking it all in trying to ultimately figure out their next steps. Being a new mom is hard but being the mom of a teenager can tear your heart out at times. I pray every day for my kids’ health, happiness and safety. I pray they will have the confidence to pursue their dreams and know that whether they achieve them or not, they put in the effort and hard work needed to get there. Watching your children learn important life lessons can be so rewarding at times and at others, so painful. During these critical years, we want nothing more than to see them fit in, excel at their sport or hobby, and begin to pinpoint the kind of adult they want to be.

As we prepare for these tough years that lie ahead, we need to remind ourselves that sometimes a listening ear and a warm hug can help make all the difference.