You have seen other blog posts of mine talking about the teenage journey to independence and how we navigate through these critical years ensuring, on the one hand, that our kids are well equipped when we send them out into the world as adults but also knowing they can depend on us as they continue to figure out who they really are.
Over the weekend, my son went to his Winter Formal and while this wasn’t his first dance or even his first Winter Formal, it was the first time he was able to drive himself which brought a whole new level of independence for him and another moment of letting go for us. Since his license is probationary, he is technically not allowed to drive with anyone under 17, but we made an exception for the night and allowed him to drive his date and take my husband’s truck for the night. We also gave him a later curfew for the night as he shared where he would be and we are expanding our circle of trust.
As I sat up very late waiting for him, I caught up on my favorite show of the moment, “A Million Little Things” and so much of the messaging in the last few episodes has centered around parenting. It was during my second episode of the night that I was struck by a quote from one of the characters. He said “How do you teach your kids independence while showing them they’re not alone?” Maybe it was because I was already feeling emotional and anxious about my son being out on his own for the night, but it really hit home for me. In essence, it sums up the teenage years in one statement.
It’s so important to be there for them as much as they need you. There is so much going on in their heads these days that when they are ready to share any part of it with you, you better be prepared to listen. It also means they are still going to have those moments where they need you both as a parent and even as a confidant. I always want my kids to feel they can come to me with anything. As much as I wish they were completely open books, I also know that in reality they aren’t going to share everything with me. But when they do need me, I hope they always know they are not alone.
Over the next couple of years, I know that these milestones of independence will continue to happen and, while they are tough as a parent to get used to, we also have to trust that we are raising strong, independent kids who know when to ask for help, support or encouragement when they need it the most. If your kids are still little, you are experiencing these glimpses of independence in different ways that will come to full fruition in time but for now, they prepare your heart to start letting go just a little bit at a time. After all, the greatest gift we can give our kids is the confidence and ability to go out into the world and make it better in their own way.