From the moment our son was born, he had a special bond with my husband.  Don’t get me wrong, he and I did as well but there definitely is something different about a father-son bond.  When he was little, I can remember that Daddy was always the one who was a little more fun in his eyes, mainly because he would do the down and dirty stuff like sports, learning to ride bikes and getting into anything and everything “boy”.  Mommy was the one who was nurturing and took care of him through the emotional ups and downs.  I like to think I had my “fun” moments too.

I say all this because as we continue to manage our way through the teenage years, I see these bonds developing and changing in different ways.  Mom is still the one who makes sure he is up on time and out the door, has a lunch everyday and keeps track of his schedule.  My husband is a huge help too but I’m definitely still the daily coordinator.  The difference is, despite this care taking, loving role, teenage boys want very little to do with their moms.  I know that he loves me but I get fewer hugs, less talks and more mood swings.  I will never forget meeting a mom last year who had a senior in high school and she was saying she couldn’t wait for him to leave the house.  It made me so sad because I can’t imagine saying that but I can see, to an extent, where she was coming from.  Her son was independent and no longer felt like he needed her, so his attitude towards her had taken a turn for the worse.  I pray that we never reach that point but I know these next 3 years will continue to bring more change.

Thankfully, I can rest a little easier knowing he still has a strong bond with my husband so we can keep him close with communication and hope that he continues to confide in him or even me here and there (we do still have our moments).  Even my husband’s role is changing though.  While it’s so important to have a strong bond and keep the lines of communication open, he also needs to know that Dad isn’t just a friend.  He is still an authority figure who will punish him when he makes mistakes.  I know that, in the end, he will respect both of us for continuing to guide him as parents, not just friends.

I will say that while I am grateful for this bond, it can be difficult as the mom to sit back and in many cases, be the brunt of the mood swings and frustrations.  I know in some ways it’s because you tend to lash out and vent at some of the people you are closest to, but I also know it’s because he is trying to gain his sense of self, and as much as at times he still needs me, he doesn’t want to admit it.

For now, I am learning to navigate this new bond day by day and take the good with the bad in the hopes that ultimately, we are raising a strong, successful, happy young man.  I am also so blessed to know that his bond with his Dad is strong and will hopefully continue to be a source of comfort for him as he finishes these last few years of high school.  For now, I’m learning to be there for him when he needs me and try to respect his newfound independence by giving him a little more freedom.  In the end, I watched each one of my brothers grow into fine young men who love my mom dearly so at least I know there is hope:)